You aimed to shoot your ego but ,as professional as it is, it ducked and you shot your conscience instead ! You just heard the sound of your shot and you thought that was your ego gone forever! You’ll never know what you’ve done cuz you have no conscience anymore who tells you about the ego! You will mistake your ego for your conscience for the rest of your life!
Wanna know how it felt?
Like when a kid has opened all his birthday gifts and they were all crap, suddenly he sees one gift left under the table unopened, and he thinks that might be it!! He goes for it full of hope and opens it and wow! That turns out to be the most crappiest one!
I don’t know if it’s just a feeling for depressed people or it happens to everybody but there are some moments in life that you suddenly feel sad, and you feel you don’t like yourself, like you aren’t satisfied about who you are. It’s just a feeling of sadness that happens in a moment and prolongs for some time, maybe a day maybe a week… . And you just think: I’m sad. Im bored. I’m tired as if it’s something normal. As if that feeling just comes to you once in a while and there’s nothing you can do about it but waiting till it passes. But it’s not something normal, and it never passes! Or sometimes you just make up some reason for sadness, some invented problems that makes you think your sadness has a real deep cause.
Here is what you’re gonna do. You just have to think deeper to find the reason of your sadness! There’s always a reason for that. It happens in your subconscious so you must think and dig it out! Most of the time it just disappears as soon as you find it! There’s no reason and there’s no sadness! The reason is mostely stupid and isn’t worth the sadness, trust me!
When u care about what people think of you , you live in misery. When u pretend not to care about it, again you live in misery. Pretending something never works obviously. It’s a strong feeling of confidence that you must generate inside yourself. The only time you won’t care about what people think is when you’re so sure of what you do. If you’re so sure of your deeds you are a biased person then! How on earth could you be sure of your deeds? How on earth could you be sure of anything?
So you must choose here:
🔹Be a biased humanbeing, so sure of yourself. Do not care about what people think!
🔹Have a flexible character. Not sure about anything. Be afraid of your deeds all the time. Misery.
The first one doesn’t lead to misery, but there is something wrong with it!! I don’t know what is that yet. I’ll work on it!
some people are just assholes. That’s what they are! They probably can’t help it! They might have had some awful childhood or something, but now that’s what they are.
The fact that whenever we face them we start getting depressed for a while and keep asking ourselves why and how and …. is just because we are too young and naive to know how shitty this world can be and how many jerks it’s capable of producing! This silly depression just shows that we haven’t lived enough and we aren’t experienced enough and we haven’t been in touch with the world and its humans closely. We mostly lived our lives in a dreamworld and we get shocked when we see someone acting so animalistic!
We just have to search more to see there are lots of them out there and it’s not something to become sad or feel sorry for! That’s what it is. That’s what it’s always been and will be. That’s life! It’d rather to be a piece of shit than a piece of candy! We just need to find a way to believe that the amount of shit is huge and there’s nothing much anyone can do about it!
There is a saying that if you don’t love someone on some levels, you can’t hate them either! It seems silly somehow but I believe it’s true. I don’t know if it’s LOVE or not, but whenever you feel hatred toward someone your mind is so occupied with them, and on some levels you care about what they think of you! Your mind is so busy trying to prove them that you are a better person than they are so you have the right to hate them!
It’s in contrast with the meaning of HATE. If you really hate something or somebody you are expected to be like ” fuch you, i don’t care” and the next day you don’t even remember that thing or guy! But it’s never like that! If you really hate someone you never express that , because you don’t even remember it! If you still say this sentence it means you are occupied so you love them on some levels!! Weird huh?
I feel nauseated today -for some reason and ouch!- and the only thing I’m thinking of is “what the Hell do pregnant women do?” Everyday? For months? Wake up like this? Just to have a BABY? Just to bring a poor innocent creature to this shity life?!
And Don’t get me even started on ‘giving birth’ part of this miracle!
Call me selfish or wuss or whatever but the only justification that I can absorb about this torture is unwanted accidental misfortune, you plan to put yourself in this misery you’re a weirdo to me! and don’t give me that speech that you aren’t a mother you don’t know what it’s like, it just makes me wanna bang my head through the wall. You really want to be a Mother adopt a baby!